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Friday, June 13, 2008

My Dad: December 8, 1946 - May 13, 2008

I still find it almost impossible to get to sleep at a decent hour. I have gotten out of bed, ran down to to the store and fetched some cigarettes (I find lately, I am unable to muster up the courage to quit). It's been a while since I was at the store after midnight... kinda interesting clientele.

Macon State College has offended me. Over twenty years ago I attended on a GED after being thrown out of high school at 17, and promptly flunked out. I have transferred there this semester, on the honor roll at my previous school, and they have withheld my financial aid for academic performance. WTF? It's been two decades! This is probably for the best, with Dad dying unexpectedly and the whole divorce thing. Starting four classes a week after the funeral would not have been fun. But the appeals process is frustrating. I had set up my finances to live as a full time student, and things are just getting so complicated. I can't sign off on the house until the divorce is final, I have discontinued my advertising none of my plans seem to be working out. After painting or driving nails all day, I have little energy to fill out paperwork, be supportive of my father's widow, and tend to my Aunt, since I have become her guardian. 

I just need to get to the mountains. It's been too long. The last night I was there, New Years Day the hiker Meredith Emerson was killed, and I never even left the trailhead. It was snowing, and I had the creepiest feeling. I remember taking a leak, and my spirit screaming at me to GET BACK IN THE TRUCK!. I rode the trailhead loop several times, and just couldn't get okay with walkin' up the mountain in the dark. I ended sliding down snowy, two-lane blacktop to Dalonega, getting coffee and driving home. Not being much for newspapers, and watching TV It was a phone call from Kentucky that put me in the loop a few days later. Its been months since I thought of that night. Over the last few days, as I have been gathering up the shredded remnants of my faith, I find my hindsight revealing divine guidance, I just have a hard time making everything fit, and living in the moment. 


2 comments:

  1. LOve the picture of your dad! I have a hard time living in the present.. Gathereing remnants of faith is tough... I too need to get back onto the mountains and away from this house.
    Take a look at my home page
    www.boa-magazine.com lots of camping, hiking, fishing etc...

    ReplyDelete
  2. It is so good you have started this blog at this time in your life. My grandma died a few day before you dad and she is the reason I started. I needed to vent and feel the emotions

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