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Monday, February 18, 2008

Habits and Such...

discipline, structure, routine... these things have a power to reduce chaos in the life of man who practices them, but they rely on the cultivation of habit, which is birthed by repetition, which requires a conscious effort of will...My only ingrained habit in my starting routine is the rising at 5:00 a.m. most mornings. There are others, but let us look at this one, first.About 15 years ago I began the struggle against chronic substance abuse. It was a commonly accepted precept among those who I approached for help that, if addiction had set in, a "conscious contact" with God was indespensible, in the pursuit of abstinence from the more difficult substances, such as cocaine, opiates, alcohol, ect. It seemed to me, and I am not unique in this, that conscious contact that was not 2-way communication, was a joke, the worst kind of mental masturbation. For me, ongoing faith requires, even now, some level of relationship/reciprococity. The only problem was that HE WASN'T ANSWERING ME. not in any way that I felt sure of. For some reason, I began to believe that silence was needed to hear God's response, and the only silence you were gonna get in this culture was early in the morning. I don't know how long it took to begin arising earlier than most of the surrounding population (I damn sure havn't been doing it for fifteen years!) because I simply cannot remember. (I am actually amazed that I can string together whole paragraphs, and am never sure when i should begin a new one...oh, how i miss my brains)

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