Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Where's that little Jewish kid?
I sometimes to hunger to write. It helps to quiet the voices, if I write about the right thing. There is no rhyme or reason to what the voices want. It can be anything. Writing for school usually doesn't satisfy this need (the paper on homosexuality, and the one on Rose Hill were exceptions.) Sometimes the writing seems to flow, and of course sometimes the well is dry. Though satisfying the voices is mysterious and unconnected to factors like ease or significance, what stirs them up is easier to figure out.
Often it is simply the passage of time. We must let our pet/demon out to play, or it whines. A kind of literary blue balls, the need to release the buildup of thoughts, that my spirit interprets as stress.
Any discomfort intense enough to arouse special notice stimulates the questions, theories, and speculations as well as the undercurrent of babble. (It sounds like I'm a nut, doesn't it?) There is never a directive to put on a black duster and go shoot folks... The voices never claim to be God, or Lucifer, and thankfully they never tell me I am God or Lucifer. (Sometimes I wonder "was that you, Lord?", and obviously I will sometimes entertain the notion that it comes from the other guy.)
When did the habit of journaling for mental health reasons become addiction? And why is there such a strong link between pain and creativity?
It is written that God is love. The Biblical history shows that Love begets love, and the prerequisite of free will guarantees pain for the creator. It is inevitable. Of course there is delight, and much joy in creation (some say they are "not creative" and they are wrong. They just haven't found it, it's there. They are an image of a creator, after all.) but maybe as we display the "Imago Dei".... God's image, the link between pain and creativity is simply the way things are. A price that is non-negotiable. The stones scattered liberally through the rich soil of creativity come with the territory. As we plow this field, they are simply something that must be dealt with. Is this a picture or the way things are? Is it an insight, through which we garner a deeper, wordless (ha ha) familiarity with the Ancient of Days?
I'm wanting to step into portraiture, and/or professional photography. Twice this year, The pressures of a commercialized Holiday season have led clients to conclude painting can wait.
"We're gonna have to reschedule, Chris."
Shit. You're killing, me. You're making me want to write.
Shooting kids for money would come in handy LOL.The going rate around here seems to start at about 80 bucks for a house call, and it begins to get complicated quickly. There are charges for prints, editing, ect. Furthermore, It is field populated by small independent parties. Not the most fertile ground for friendly advice...about business practices, or surprisingly, technique. I'm getting better. A half a dozen times I've been told my pictures are worth money, and lately I am making a conscious effort to gain experience shooting people. I wonder if there is a niche for a local photographer who simple deals in files...and leaves printing to the client, who can shop around for the best deal?
Well. Finals are happening right now, I just found my bathroom full of water, and my transmission went out. But the he voices are a little quieter, now. Maybe I can get something done. 1 paper, 1 comprehensive exam on the structure of American government. Two more hurdles to go...If I have to drop out of school, I'm leaving with a 4.0.