Thursday, May 22, 2008
I grow uncomfortable with the direction my thoughts goto. My posting has degenerated from speculation about life and theology, to whining, self pity and pain. It's kind of embarrassing. I even became a tad rude and arrogant in response to a comment here It has been a little cathartic I'm sure, but it has also been a distraction from working through a lot of my feelings( what a pity!) I have been watching this trend and doing nothing about it, probably in self-preservation. I have struggled with some unhealthy coping behavior in my past, and I think you never really lose a bad habit...It's like riding a bicycle. You may keep it in the shed, gathering dust, and not ride for quite some time, or even get rid of the bicycle completly, But you ain't forgot how to ride, I promise you. and Wal-Mart, Target, and Toys r Us, are littered with new and better bikes. If in the broadest sense sin, or "missing the mark" is simply falling short of perfection, Then perhaps, for the Christian, it is an addiction to depravity...the compulsion/obsession with choosing the will of the flesh over the will of the Spirit within. It also occurs to me, that these thoughts, expressed outside of prayer are like a man having sex several times a week with his mistress. He is less inclined to seek intimacy at home. (I love Rob Bell's book sex god: exploring the endless conections between sexuality and spirituality). There is a correlation, possibly, between my rant on post, and my continued dryness of prayer/meditiation. I wonder which is cause, and which is effect, and do they flip-flop?