Anyway, I brought home from the mountains a ton of pictures to sort, and a few foundational truths to rebuild my faith on... and rather than repost this list every time I update it, I shall edit as the days go by...

1. The Universe is the result of Intelligent design. Even a layman's passing awareness of the laws of entropy preclude the serious consideration that the space-time continuum is an accident.
2. The appearance of Jesus, the Christ, Yeshua Ben-Joseph, is established History.
3. Yeshua claimed to be one with the Creator, The God of Abraham, The God of Issac,  Adonai, Yaweh. His credentials, were established beyond question when He rose from the dead.
4. The veracity of scripture is not in question, for me. By the established protocols of archeological discipline, we have more copies, closer in age to the originals, than any other ancient manuscripts (reference)  
5. The Gospels are the word of God, inspired in a way we cannot completely comprehend, divine truth nonetheless flavored with the personalities of the authors Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John.
6. Jesus, accepted the Torah. I must accept the Old Testament in it's entirety... in matters such as these, I gotta go with the Guy That Rose From The Dead.
7. Jesus, did not preach on the Ten Commandments, (perhaps we should follow that model) What he did stress, was that  we " Love ⁴⁵  the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ ⁴⁶  22:38This is the first and greatest ⁴⁷  commandment. 22:39 The second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ ⁴⁸  22:40 All the law and the prophets depend ⁴⁹  on these two commandments.” now interestingly enough, this places the emphasis on the first commandment, and indicates that if we treat the people around us poorly, we dishonor it. Hmmm...That makes things simple, though still impossible. Surely there must be a balance between Grace, and the empowerment of the Holy Spirit.  "Love your neighbor as yourself" completely removes any justification for self-righteousness and the prerequisite hypocrisy. These were the sins that Jesus spoke against, and he reserved the one scriptural incident of premeditated violence for those men who were fleecing the poor with the backing of established religion. your Jesus' pet peeve was self righteousness, and taking advantage of the poor pissed him off to the point where he actually beat people up. (Mark, 11;17)....

I was surprised by the post on

Insane Mama's  blog this morning.  As a few comments have showed up, here and there, and I have surfed links, from blog to blog, the connections have taken me many places... When I first stumbled across her posting on a Stalker, I was captivated, and quickly caught up on all the installments. Other than the James Saga, I browse lightly, since I cannot even find the time keep up with my own writing. I have not gone through Miss Insane's archives, but this morning's posting seemed to be of an unusual flavor, though well written, as always. It comforted me, possibly because a lot of my own posting seems to be an exploration of pain. 

I had great time hiking last weekend, though in terms of soul-searching, you could say that I fell down on the job, if you thought of soul searching as an aggressive action that you undertake with structure, and careful planning, as a spiritual discipline. This is what I use to think myself, but my feelings are changing... things seem not as clear. My understanding of God had been torn down, some time ago, but I think I simply would not acknowledge it. As a child, the earliest communications from denominational Christians, made little sense, and it seems inexplicable to me that I did not reject the existence of Christ out of hand, and this, I attribute to the Holy Spirit, and a blind belief in my earthly father. I was never taken to church as child, but he read me Bible stories when I was young, and had never yet caught him in a lie. 

For the last 10 years or so, I have moved toward Christ, and have called myself a Christian for seven or eight years. I am sure we all go through emotional pain, and who is to say whose is worse, but it seems to me that I have hurt for a long time. I can see many blessings, in my life, and I am very aware that I have it better than many, But recent events have struck me hard, and my faith does not comfort me. I reach for an invisible God, and he is silent.  Peter Lord tells us that God is speaking still, and we have to learn to hear him. What kind of love is that? I have a hard time reconciling myself with the Idea, that God has something He wants me to hear, but the information is lost because of a failing on my part. 

Anyway, I brought home from the mountains a ton of pictures to sort, and a few foundational truths to rebuild my faith on...

1. It begins tomorrow...or maybe later

colored droplets

colored droplets, originally uploaded by use2blost.

I gotta thank pioneer woman... she's got some great tutorials, and reminded me about photoshop elements... I had downloaded the free trial a few months ago (I am all about a free trial!!) and promptly forgot about it after the grace period ran out. This edit job may seem little cliche to the accomplished photographer, but I had a lot of fun. Photoshop and OCD really complement each other. this is the SOOC (I just learned what that means!)

Chris vs The Rodent.

He has a better sense of smell (though, I probably smell better), a better sense of hearing, and probably better eyesight, since I have the eyes of a man 30 years older... also, he is more agile, and better looking. Kelsie took a picture of me yesterday, and I have never seen myself more repulsive, lol. I would post a link( or maybe I wouldn't) but I have reached my upload limit for this month on my photostream. I refuse to pay 30 bucks for a pro account at least until I have made it up to the mountains... These days, that's a hundred bucks gas, if I go straight there and straight back

Anyway, the battle of wits began when he started raping my birdfeeders and violated the big stash on the front porch. I decided he must be photographed. Lately I need something to occupy a little time, and the photo obsession has done nicely. After all, I have not the resources, time, or inclination to chase women, and I am too lethargic, and depressed to clean my house. (I try, really!). Flowers, I seem to have mastered, and birds have posed too challenging to date.  I have failed repeatedly to get a shot worth archiving. It seems that as a child all you had to do was throw out some bread, and they would come... but a squirrel, I thought would be doable. This has been an learner for sure. He spooks easily, and quickly runs away. I was lucky enough, to catch him looking at the wreckage of his earlier attack on my birdseed today, and got a pretty good shot, here: 

Now, this is not a particularly good pic, but I was able to get a little better, through the open patio door:

I was still not content, but fearful- this was much closer than I had even gotten to him before. This shot:

was the high point of my afternoon. A gift. It was actually taken through one of my kitchen windows, and even so, I only got off three before the skittish little fella took off. I am so pleased. A good close up for me. Hair texture, with good clarity is my goal. As my eye develops, I will work on lighting and composition. 

Good Night

 

 

My Dad: December 8, 1946 - May 13, 2008

My Dad: December 8, 1946 - May 13, 2008, originally uploaded by use2blost.

I still find it almost impossible to get to sleep at a decent hour. I have gotten out of bed, ran down to to the store and fetched some cigarettes (I find lately, I am unable to muster up the courage to quit). It's been a while since I was at the store after midnight... kinda interesting clientele.

Macon State College has offended me. Over twenty years ago I attended on a GED after being thrown out of high school at 17, and promptly flunked out. I have transferred there this semester, on the honor roll at my previous school, and they have withheld my financial aid for academic performance. WTF? It's been two decades! This is probably for the best, with Dad dying unexpectedly and the whole divorce thing. Starting four classes a week after the funeral would not have been fun. But the appeals process is frustrating. I had set up my finances to live as a full time student, and things are just getting so complicated. I can't sign off on the house until the divorce is final, I have discontinued my advertising none of my plans seem to be working out. After painting or driving nails all day, I have little energy to fill out paperwork, be supportive of my father's widow, and tend to my Aunt, since I have become her guardian. 

I just need to get to the mountains. It's been too long. The last night I was there, New Years Day the hiker Meredith Emerson was killed, and I never even left the trailhead. It was snowing, and I had the creepiest feeling. I remember taking a leak, and my spirit screaming at me to GET BACK IN THE TRUCK!. I rode the trailhead loop several times, and just couldn't get okay with walkin' up the mountain in the dark. I ended sliding down snowy, two-lane blacktop to Dalonega, getting coffee and driving home. Not being much for newspapers, and watching TV It was a phone call from Kentucky that put me in the loop a few days later. Its been months since I thought of that night. Over the last few days, as I have been gathering up the shredded remnants of my faith, I find my hindsight revealing divine guidance, I just have a hard time making everything fit, and living in the moment. 

I am so dissapointed

But, then again, I never actually finished high school, so I am blogging above my educational level...now. I found this little widget on 

John Deere Mom's blog

kodak 710 196

kodak 710 196, originally uploaded by use2blost.

I love this shot... I have been so lost in the macro thing lately... I forgot about people. A couple friends asked me to take a few photo's at a fundraiser I had never in my life had a chance to photograph so many people, who mostly ignored me. I had great time.

finally158

finally158, originally uploaded by use2blost.

whooo hoooo!!! I am not content... but I am pleased that I have at least gotten this far...there are technical aspects of macro focusing that I do not understand completely. I have seen some pics that blow me away... like this one This woman is one of my faves

samsung 010

samsung 010, originally uploaded by use2blost.

or a sunflower, without archie's truck in the background

samsung l200 057

samsung l200 057, originally uploaded by use2blost.

I am finally starting to have a little luck with the macro/closeup thing...my fantasy is to get an insect...